No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we made out on top of his cat.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
