I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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