its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
