Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
