My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
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