Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were birth control emojis
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize