You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
