chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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