If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
