her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
