Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just high enough for therapy.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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