And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
