and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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