Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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