How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize