On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
