I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
