sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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