Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This house was built for laser tag.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
