Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
