That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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