I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
bring money and cleavage
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
