I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
