So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
