I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
