I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
