Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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