I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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