I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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