you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They are going to name an STD after you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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