Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
