Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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