Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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