Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
