plz talk dirty to me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
