drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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