Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
