I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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