This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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