he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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