Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
jump out the window naked night went bad
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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