He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
