I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
