Your tits are I can't wait for
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
that's an acceptable place to lick
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
