I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
