Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
