I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
is it fun? or sober?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
