Got a toothbrush?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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