i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
