"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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