I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
