Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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