You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
