My nipple is on Facebook.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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