you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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