So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
