its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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