Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
