She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
