hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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