If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
